Judith Gives Thanks to Jehovah

Eventually, I had to do a bukkit one. It was inevitable.

What does Judith need a bukkit for?
a) to giv to da lolrus
b) to carry the head of Holofernes
c) unladylike private activities (this was before plumbing, guys)

(Pedro Américo, Judith Gives Thanks to Jehovah, 1880)

The Unknown

Who needs a big black monolith when you can have some kind of chesty Promethea instead?

(J.C. Dollman, The Unknown, 1912)

At the Grand Prix

(Childe Hassam, At the Grand Prix, 1887)

Egyptian Chess Players

It must have been a clever move, because clearly they're playing with all pawns.

(Sidenote: Apparently Alma-Tadema's treatment of marble was so well-known and well-executed that he was referred to as the 'marbelous' painter. Groan. 19th century humor, ladies and gents.)

(Lawrence Alma-Tadema, Egyptian Chess Players, 1865)

Oedipus and the Sphinx

Return of t3h kitteh laydee!!

(Gustave Moreau, Oedipus and the Sphinx, 1864)

The Destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah

Sorry about the past couple days, fellows... had jury duty to attend to, and not much time for the crafting of macros, alas. Anyway, here's your Friday treat; catch you on the flip.

(John Martin, The Destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, 1852)

And by the way, out of curiosity I scanned through the demographics of artists used thus far on this site, just to see which countries it might be good to focus on, fill in the gaps, etc. The French are the winners by far, with 32 pieces over the second-place Italians, with 20. John Martin brings the English to third place with 17, and after that it's all downhill. I am proud, however, that I managed to sneak in some diverse offerings from places such as Georgia and Sweden... not very common, those.

Leif Ericsson Discovers America

(Christian Krohg, Leif Ericsson Discovers America, 1893)

Virgin of the Navigators

I just cribbed this one from the Wikipedia new articles section today. It's a busy Monday, unfortunately. 10 bucks says Freud would get a kick out of this one, what with all the little conquistadors hiding under Mary's skirts.

(Alejo Fernández, Virgin of the Navigators, 1531-1536)

The Stolen Kiss

I hate rococo. I really, really do. It's all women with ample bosoms swooning into piles of flowers and foppish dandies with silk stockings and floppy hats making stupid faces at them, while cherubs and bunnies and happy pink clouds fill the air, and the whole of it is done with these soft and beautiful brushstrokes that make the people look like wax. It's artpr0n. It's fanciful escapism. And I just can't stand it.

That being said, sometimes I look at paintings like this and think, "hey it looks like he's trying to suck her in... quantum singularity!" She looks a little panicked and is grabbing for that... uh, beach towel? because in a few moments she will pass the event horizon and be GONE FOREVER. Unless she somehow can travel faster than the speed of light, her quantum information is BREAKING DOWN. O shit.

I've been at this too long. I need the weekend.

(Jean-Honoré Fragonard, The Stolen Kiss, c. 1788)

Vitruvian Man

jazzerciiiiiiize

(Leonardo da Vinci, Vitruvian Man, c. 1487)

The Accolade

Edmund Leighton, not to be confused with his fellow countryman and contemporary Frederic Leighton (featured a couple weeks ago), is the latest Pre-Raphaelite target of my jibes. Though, I feel like I could've done something better for this... his hair really isn't that bad. Oh well. There's plenty more where this came from.

(Edmund Blair Leighton, The Accolade, 1901)

Self-Portrait in a Cap

(Rembrandt, Self-portrait in a Cap with Eyes Wide Open, 1630)

Washington Crossing the Delaware

jorj wantz um KRAVE KASE LOL

(Emanuel Leutze, Washington Crossing the Delaware, 1851)

The Blessing Christ

(Jean Auguste Dominique Ingres, The Blessing Christ, 1834)

The Concert; The Happy Couple; The Merry Trio; Young Flautist

Guys, I was just going to do one, but instead it's time for a... BATTLE OF THE BANDS.

First we have: Ace of Base!

(Judith Leyster, The Concert, 1631-33)

And here's Owen Pallett and Régine Chassagne from Arcade Fire!

(Judith Leyster, The Happy Couple, 1630)

Next on the list: a washed-up Blink 182!

(Judith Leyster, The Merry Trio, 1629-31)

Grand finale... Ian Anderson, circa 1959!

(Judith Leyster, Young Flautist, c. 1630)

This is mostly a way for me to illustrate the fact that every single one of Judith Leyster's paintings ever has somebody drinking and/or playing music with the exact same really creepy smile. There are more, I just figured four would be enough for a Thursday. So who would win? You decide!!

The Cradle

(Berthe Morisot, The Cradle, 1872)

Divine Comedy, Paradiso: Canto XXXI

Dante Alighieri = Twitter asshole.

(Gustave Doré, Divine Comedy, Paradiso: Canto XXXI, Dante and Beatrice gaze upon the Empyrean, 1867)

The Remorse of Orestes

I never thought Orestes looked particularly remorseful in this one. It's more like "omg shudup an get ur boobz outta mah fays, ai r lukkin 4 pantz".

(William-Adolphe Bouguereau, The Remorse of Orestes, 1862)